Feeling Cold.

The weather is plain frigid. We had a bit of a flurry yesterday mixed with a little rain. Last week, I put my fake (but look so real) forsythia in my vases around the house hoping that it would speed things up. I guess the old wives tale stands true about after the forsythia blooms, you can expect another snowfall. Last night, I brought my 2 body pillows downstairs along with a quilt made by Grandma McCullough. My routine during the winter months is to crank up the heat and make a little bed by the heater vent. Of course, the blanket covers the vent so I get all of the yummy warmth. I have been doing this since I was about 4 years old. My older sister Nancy and I use to do this when I was a wee little thing. Our huge door wall is right there so I usually peep my eyes out of the blanket and look outside and do some soul searching. It is my time of quiet (well, for the most part...the big game was on last night). As I was ready to break out in the heat sweat, I started to think of the many things that are on my mind and my response to them. I am cold...not only because of the weather, but my heart is cold. I am compassionate to those who suffer and those who are afflicted. I bleed compassion every time I step inside my son's Elementary school. I bleed compassion for those who have lost someone they loved. i hurt for the victims of exploitation, sexual slavery, the hungry. On the flip side, I have a hard time showing love to those who hurt others, those who manipulate others, those who care about their own desires. I always thought I had a compassionate and understanding heart. In my "soul searching" I discovered I have a "selective" compassionate/understanding heart. As a Christian, we are to love the unlovely. For me, this is probably my biggest obstacle as a Christian. I don't love everybody. I admit it. It isn't something that marks me as the best person in the world. God loves those people. Why can't I? I know I am only human and cannot measure up to the love of God our Father, but I am not even a smiggen close when it comes to loving these people. Today, my heart is cold and a bit frustrated.